- Hi, I'm.

- Eric Ford for Made Here.

- Massachusetts director.

- Tim O'Donnell's film the House We Lived In.

- Chronicles.

- his father's journey to recover lost memories.

- Following.

- a traumatic brain injury.

- They visit their family home.

- In New Hampshire together.

As the family struggles - with acceptance of this.

- new version of their father.

- You can watch the house.

- We Lived In and other great - made here films.

- streaming on our website and through the PBS app.

- Enjoy the film.

- and thanks for watching.

Tim, its mom.

-I don't want to upset you, -but dads in the emergency room.

They're quite.

- They don't quite know.

- what's wrong with them.

- They're doing everything.

- He's conscious.

He passed out this - morning on the floor.

- or something, but, I don't want you -to freak out, but you might want to.

You know.

You might want to come.

You can't, Don't freak out, okay?

I was with my dad the day before he fell.

- Could you take a picture.

- of that here?

Okay.

Like at a wrestling -tournament filming my brother TJ.

- Just like the old days back.

- when my sisters are in and.

- And you'd be screaming.

- from the stands.

My mom.

- My dad was always there.

- for us.

And now he's somewhere else.

- He taught me -how to use a camera.

- and how to be a good person, - how to shave.

- and how to be resilient.

He fell.

And the house we grew up in.

-The place that holds, -the best memories of our family.

Oh, God.

God.

- Every day.

- that was supposed to be special.

That supposed to save -us?

No.

Yeah.

I know you can do it.

Just once.

Open your eyes.

Good one.

Dad, open your eyes.

That's a pretty.

Open your eyes.

My dad.

All to take a shot.

Go go go go!

That's it.

Hi.

Go get it.

Hi.

Oh, no.

Sorry.

You guys for your kids.

Open your eyes.

- The kids want to see.

- your eyes.

Open.

Two months before your fall.

- I left my job.

- as a high school teacher to become a filmmaker.

But this wasn't the film I wanted to make.

- But I do feel.

- so lucky to be here.

- Even though it's terrible.

- and hard.

I don't know why, - but I'm obsessed.

- with the sadness.

I want to document it.

I have to film it.

I can't be away from it.

You can open your eyes, -Todd.

Oh.

Yeah.

Hey, dad.

Hey, Todd.

So good to see you.

It'll be all right.

You're doing great.

- You're doing great.

-The doctor said.

- you're going to be fine.

You're doing really good.

- Really?

-That everything is going to.

- come back little by little.

- Yeah, and it's all going to.

- come back, you say?

Hey.

Yeah.

Your hands.

- Everything.

-You just kind of relax.

- right now.

Everything's okay.

Everything's all right.

Have you -looked in the mirror - since.

- you've been on the hospital?

Yeah.

- Are you.

- ready to look in the mirror?

First thing here is.

- Yeah.

- Get that.

Good.

You do it.

You get that right leg out.

Good job.

Okay.

Now real slow.

I'm gonna help you push up.

All right.

Hey, look at your eyes -while you're setting up, -too, okay?

- Just to see if they'll.

- bounce in that office.

Do you feel dizzy?

A little bit.

Okay.

You ready?

Yeah.

Okay.

You ready?

Let's.

- All right.

-We're gonna go on the count.

- of three.

Ready, Todd?

One, two up and over.

Nice.

Strong.

- You don't give yourself.

- enough credit.

What's going on there?

I'm.

You sure that's not really.

You actually helped a lot.

- That.

- Nice.

It's awesome.

Dad.

I don't know, little man.

Now, which side do I grab?

- Well, you are going to.

- push off from both of them.

Yeah.

Okay.

Can you stand up?

Both elbows go up there.

- Do you remember this.

- from yesterday?

- One.

Two.

- Three.

There you go.

All right.

Keep leaning forward.

Straight out those knees.

Right.

Got it going.

Sure.

Yep.

Sanders.

- Grab those things.

- Even the left one can't feel -nice there.

You know.

- Every day.

- Is a little bit further.

You stopped yesterday.

I don't want to get double, -like right now.

You're doing double?

Yeah, we did yesterday.

- I can't believe I'm.

- still on it.

You know what?

I can't that be.

Eventually, -I'll get back.

Like that -is your first meal.

I know, thank you so much.

That looks good.

You excited about that, dad?

-Yeah, -I thought veggier.

Gravy.

- Asparagus.

- That's good.

Yeah.

And mandarin orange.

Well, -let's get right into it.

Oh, okay.

Okay, let's go write it -down.

Let's not mess around.

- Right.

-Would I die.

- If you're not gonna go with, Yeah.

Enjoy that.

Oh, boy.

Oh, man.

You look, I didn't cook.

No salt.

No.

Like the other one.

How's your thinking?

How's your memory?

Stagnant.

Tell me more about that.

I see.

Where do you want to go?

Well, -do you feel like you're - remembering things.

- that go on every day?

Or do you want.

Short term is limited.

- Okay.

Long.

- term is pretty good.

Okay.

- And you already told me.

- why you're here.

Tell me your address.

-Two Jacquelyn Street, -Hudson, New Hampshire.

Yeah.

Nicely done.

Okay.

Cruisin.

And do some more activities.

Track.

All right.

I'm thirsty.

- Can I have a little ginger.

- ale in there?

All right.

-Ready?

That.

Just a little sips.

All right.

How is that toddy?

Fabulous change.

It was like, Okay, this is, It was like, Yeah.

- A stretch of golf.

- that you always remember and you never forget.

Because you were there.

-Remind me when I, -if I ever get younger, never get a haircut -like Jake.

- Reminds me of an airport.

- abandoned.

Just like a hot tub.

But just a splash.

Grass everywhere.

Oh was that that, That's enough.

Yeah.

All right.

Fair.

I'll leave this here.

- And if during physical.

- therapy, you get thirsty, - I'm sure she'll happily.

- provide that.

- Thank you.

You need to have.

- a little bit to drink.

All right.

So tell me more.

- I don't remember the house.

- at all.

I remember the, -you know, the structure, -I remember apartments.

- I remember the old places.

- we used to live.

But I don't remember -to.

Jack.

You know.

- What don't you remember.

- about it?

I remember where -it's located.

- I don't remember.

- what it looks like.

- I don't know.

Pool.

- I don't remember nothing.

It's okay.

-It's going to come back, -you know.

-Like they said, -it's pretty normal.

Do you remember the garage?

I think about the garage.

Not really.

That's okay.

For some reason, - you can't remember.

- the old house.

- Our house we lived in.

- for over 20 years.

- Were you raised.

- all for your kids?

You can't remember.

- That when you were in a coma.

- a few months ago.

- The bank.

- foreclosed on our home.

That house, you can't remember anymore.

It's gone.

I feel so bad.

I was born this way.

- You know.

-Hey, it's a happy.

- Did you get that?

We not a happy day.

Hello.

They go home.

Hey, you.

Wanna know?

I'm sorry.

You just had.

Said you had to go through this.

What is that?

-Noggin?

Thank you.

- But tell me.

- If you recognize any of this that we're coming in -to know.

-Yeah.

What, -what are we going on?

-You know, on one of the 5 -to 1 industrial lab.

You might call an.

- Yeah.

-What's what's industrial.

- have attached to.

What's this called an that.

There you go.

All right.

It's all coming back.

You think this.

Was something else?

I guess you found out.

You know what I mean.

You.

I. Yeah.

What's up?

How do I do the dance?

- I redo it.

-Oh, you just get yourself.

- a shit, man.

No, it's incredible.

Oh, it's.

Take a breath.

-It's the best medicine.

Oh, no.

Oh, good.

Stuffing.

Excellent.

Thank you.

Good.

I'll do that.

There's.

My shirt up there.

Go.

You sing a song.

It's not me.

- Do you guys.

- just do a little while?

How does it.

- Are you on.

- something that, You.

That's to help him.

He eats this.

What?

You really love me.

Tender loving.

Me, too.

Since that day when I'm not, it's.

What is it with you?

Oh, it's.

You.

Cool.

Not.

So.

Read all this for me and stuff.

Can you show up soon?

It's just let it all slip.

Don't go.

So the story goes, you go.

The.

So that is a story for.

-You.

I'm gonna rub your, -Yeah, a little bit.

Yes.

Thank you so much.

Im heading out.

One light year is 5.88 trillion miles.

And from one side of the -universe to the other is 190 -billion light years.

- They figure in 4 billion.

- years, our galaxy will collide with Andromeda, and it'll become one galaxy together.

They, stole the movie, but the taking everybody.

Over.

I know, looking good.

All right, they will gonna.

-Yeah, -but we usually hiding out.

I don't want to ruin it.

- To have the fed.

- belly back then.

Hey, Delaney.

He's upset.

It's going to be tough.

That's your voice.

Really?

Okay.

Oh!

God!

-What's it like seeing, -seeing that old.

That old clip of, you know, the house -we used to live in?

Well, it was it was obviously a good day - because everybody.

- was having fun, but not a lot about me.

Do I remember - that?

- I know it's me.

Because.

Because of the way I look.

But I. I don't really have - any emotions.

- or any recollection.

- I just know.

- It's me.

But, miss.

That's it.

- If you loose.

- part of your memory.

- Do you lose.

- part of yourself?

Wow.

I think so.

I think you at least feel - like you lose.

- part of yourself.

I know I would.

- Memory is kind of like.

- your foundation to life.

- You build your life.

- off of your memories.

- You take away bits.

- and pieces of that.

- It's like taking away.

- pieces of that building.

I'm doing fine, but there's a butt there.

- I can tell.

- you're doing fine, but.

-Well, -I know when I sit outside at night - to look out and I'm.

- looking out through me.

But you.

But I did this for me.

I know that.

Feels so nice.

Oh, nice.

-For me, -it's like I think I want to be a human.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know.

So.

So we used to get out.

Months are going by, - and you're not remembering.

- anything.

- You can't seem to remember.

- playing golf.

A game - you've played for over.

- 50 years.

- You haven't remembered.

- anything from the old house years.

- If all those memories.

- are gone, do you remember us?

Do you remember me?

Guys, where are you?

I can't find you.

Guys, where are you?

- Where are you?

- Are you guys.

Where are you?

I can't find it.

Dad, I'm making a plan.

- I think I can get.

- your memories back.

I'm going to take you back -to the places.

you can't remember.

-Eventually, -everything should come back.

- Look at this.

-They didn't.

- even touch the one yellow.

Beautiful.

Nothing.

- Attention!

-No trespassing.

- Please take notes.

I'm on the clock.

I'm not gonna -worry about it.

What used to be over there?

Back when?

When I was real.

- Oh, yeah.

- We used to have a rabbit.

Yeah, it was buckwheat.

I remember what you said.

Where'd you got here, - Maggie?

- I remember the rabbit because it was a good -rabbit.

Well, -did you feed the rabbit?

- I would see.

- the many grow carrots.

- They would eat them.

- like chicken - fingers.

- too, though, right?

Yeah.

She ate everything.

Whose rabbit was that?

Which kid?

You remember?

No, it's all right.

Who, kid?

It was Angie's.

Oh, that was Angies -rabbit.

Yeah.

Oh.

Angie.

You know what?

Look, look.

All of a sudden.

You.

Oh, yeah.

She's, - You used.

- to be a computer over there.

Yeah, this used to be, our family room.

- Yeah.

-And then we had it.

- on that room.

- It was just a computer.

- room, and, to the couch there.

I remember it.

It's amazing.

Just think.

-Probably, like a month, -two months ago.

- You could drive.

- by the house, Steve.

Remember it.

Well, think about that - on the first couple trips.

- over here, even outside.

- You just.

-You could remember it.

- You could remember the pool.

- To remember the garden.

- Nothing.

And, No.

What a difference now.

Well, now that I'm in it.

- But I still don't remember.

- upstairs at all.

-Yeah, well, it's all right, -but if I go right.

I'm going to go into this room.

- Do you.

- remember this turned up, - I don't.

- I guess it was a bedroom.

And I'm just wondering.

How I would have fallen.

How could one fall - and have such a head bleed.

- like that?

- I don't understand, it's.

- not that hard.

It's not like concrete.

-But, you know, it's funny, -you know?

I don't have any emotional.

-I mean, I thought I would, -I thought it couldn't come in this room, but, just a room to me.

Just weird.

So tell me about, - Tell me about this morning.

- You're trying to remember -the house.

Well, -you know, -I haven't been upstairs yet, so we actually did.

We went upstairs.

We did?

- Well, I don't remember that.

- too much.

- It doesn't bother me that.

- I don't remember it.

- It's like I'm sitting on the.

- sideline at a big parade and all of the extrasensory -things are going by, -and I just sit there and just stare -and understand - that something different.

- Is happening.

- Do you remember, like me.

- and Lulu and Aaron and T.J. living in the house?

I don't know.

You're looking for, just you have to look before you get into the real world.

-Look, -I mean, it's so beautiful.

- Sometimes it just stands.

- out, you know, a little down here.

I mean, when life is all crazy and frustrating and noisy.

Yeah.

You just look at that - and you think this is.

- the way life should be.

- When you want.

- to jump out at me.

So tell me about dad -changing.

Like what?

Put it for you.

- Have you noticed that.

- It's a kind - of a different person?

- Like since the injury or.

Well, what - the heck is all this stuff.

- coming from?

Yeah, it's like this, right?

Where everything's been -thrown at you right now.

Oh, well, -these little rocks, - this these little bumps.

- In the road that you don't realize are.

I was watching a show.

-It's a half hour comedy, -but it is about bereavement.

- It's about bereavement.

- Group.

His wife died.

-Yeah.

You know, -so she died suddenly.

Very sad.

- And everyone.

- there has a story, - but it's shown in a wicked.

- funny light at the very end - that he was talking.

- to another bereavement crazy person.

- And then they just.

- kind of went - and he put his head down.

- a little bit, and you could feel like - you could feel how much.

- you really missed his wife.

And all of a sudden I burst out crying -like, -I don't even know where it -came from, -because I could feel - how much on the show.

- he missed.

- His wife to pick.

- up, that I was sobbing.

It was ridiculous.

What?

- And then I admitted it.

- to myself.

I missed time, and I wrote that story -to say, like, I'm so lucky just because - these first couple weeks.

- we didn't know he was going to live.

I was.

- I couldn't.

- even think about that.

Living without him.

-I absolutely couldn't.

even think.

So for me -to be thinking, gee, -I miss it all the time, -I thought was so bad of me, but I, I am the time.

-At this point, -you know, two times - a week for OT and for.

- Pete is what we've you know, kind of gone with -and then we can kind of.

see how things are going.

- And do you think.

- It will ever get back to or - what can it possibly end up.

- just staying like that.

- I think this going.

- to continue to improve.

- I really do I think for it's.

- It's a very hard question - to answer -as far as whether or not.

- you'll ever be back to where you were -before.

- We don't know.

We don't.

- we can't tell by this point.

- Can't know.

- You just can't tell.

-And I think for you, -you know, you you - you tend to ask us.

- the same question.

And I don't know if it's.

because -you don't like the answer -or I don't blame you.

Also, the brain injury - that I think.

- that it's a memory piece, or if it's -because like what we talked.

about today -where you were, you remember -what you were like before.

-But the frustrating piece, -and I can only imagine - is that you're.

- not it's not normal.

Yeah.

It's not your normal.

- Right.

-It's just kind of.

- Interestingly, ever since he came back, he can remember -a bunch of points of life, -you know, from a month before the accident - to six months before a year.

- Is everything.

- Is there.

- I can't remember his home.

-I can't remember if I have, -like, my own theory and I don't know.

- What's your background?

- Obviously.

Like the way the mind works and the way your body works.

- It's the defense mechanism.

- mechanisms in place, - whether it's like PTSD.

- where like, you know, you go -through a tragic situation, -but you can get through it - because your body, -your function.

- to get through it - and you have to deal with it.

- later -or more likely than not, -you're not, know, - gonna be able.

- to play golf again.

- All the problems.

- with the house from this point forward, - we know.

- we will lose the house.

-Like, -these are things that he's never going to gain back.

He's never going to be able -go back to the house -or have the house -he's been in for 20 -plus years.

- He's got his whole life.

- after this accident.

- He's not going to be able.

- to go back and do all that.

- He's not letting himself.

- remember the house - because he can't go back.

- to what he can't have it.

- And that's tragic.

- That's that's that's sad.

-I think you're 100% -to deal with, - because it's so odd.

- that he can remember other events -around that time.

Places roads every thing.

- I think, -but the house has just.

- disappeared from his memory.

- I don't think I'll ever.

- be able to play golf again.

- Do you remember.

- golfing at all?

I remember, down, down south - when I went down to Texas.

- to become a professional.

- And when I was a kid.

- playing all that, and then.

And then when I come back, - I don't remember anything.

- right now, I think.

-I think I will over time, -because I remember going down south.

- But that's something.

- that came back recently.

-That's what does it feel like when it comes back?

Or do you just all of a -sudden remember it or.

-No, I think I had, -I had dreams, I had dreams of it.

So your memories come back -in the form of dreams?

Yeah.

-Whenever I sleep, one.

My left side.

- I have -dreams, and I can.

- only sleep on my right side.

- But sometimes.

- I sleep on my left side.

-I don't know how I do it, -but I.

- I get to sleep, and that's.

- when I have dreams, you know?

-Then the next day, I wake up - and then it'll come to me.

- as a flash and, - you know, maybe there's.

- something connecting.

- Do you think my dad.

- can get his memories back?

- You know, I think that those.

- remote memories, you know, -I think he can get back, -but that's, -If that's hard to answer, -because I really don't know -if they're gone, -to be quite honest.

That's the thing.

I mean, I don't -I'm not sure what that means -for the those old memories -to be gone, - because I can't say that.

- they were and that that, - that the area where they.

- where those memories - where I guess stored.

- was necessarily injured.

I don't even.

- I don't know if -we know enough about it.

- to be able to answer that.

You know, the -if the memories -are there, it's probably -just a matter of, him.

- Maybe if maybe having.

- the right emotional trigger, - whether it's going to.

- the golf course and, - you know, smelling the.

- the freshly cut grass, maybe, -maybe the site, -the golf course, -I have an area - that he used to practice.

- or sort of hold it.

He enjoyed.

How's it feel?

It feels okay to me.

- But I just don't feel like.

- I can hit the ball.

Yeah.

It's okay.

Thanks for trying dad.

Go up here and sit down to.

Good luck.

Everybody.

Okay, Jackson, go get him.

Okay, pal.

Take care.

Good luck.

Good.

- With you.

-See, I.

- can make anything.

You know, I need your excuse.

I normally can run after, -but I can't even make it so.

You know, it's unbelievable.

For a few seconds, - I could see myself in that.

- group walking up the hill.

- Now, I don't know what.

- that indicates.

- I know that.

- I played in the tournament, - but I don't know.

- If I was any good.

-But for a few seconds, -I could picture myself - walking up with jack cassidy.

- In that group.

So if that's the case, I must have been able to hit it pretty good.

- I'm sure it'll start coming.

- back to me.

I had that flashback - that I should have been.

- In that group going up the hill -with jack.

- I don't know where.

- that came from.

- Or it could be that you hear.

- that you're smelling.

You're seeing, -you're feeling.

I think so, I think I'm.

- I think.

- you're right, Timmy.

It.

- I think you're starting.

- to remember it.

I think it'll just - be a matter of time before.

- everything comes back.

I sure hope so.

It's been a long time - waiting to be trapped.

- Inside your own head.

Maybe I'll get back to that.

Yeah.

You've been hitting.

I don't know.

How's my hair?

That's all I it looks great.

All I care about.

- I pushed it right.

- a little bit.

Yeah, she's got a thing.

She's got about 65 pounds.

He's kind of playing a -on the.

- Oh, he hit it.

- as hard as he could.

- I don't know.

- If he's got enough strength.

He's okay.

It's my son.

- Got to teach him.

- how to get stronger.

Iike the old man.

-You know, -I had to drink an addiction.

I had to smoke an addiction.

I've had a gym addiction.

I had an eating addiction.

And I'm fat.

-And I like a gambler.

- So what do you want me.

- to cut out?

Which one I. I know I got.

I got one inch nine, - I did, I got nine.

- over the 13713719.

And then I got a tripod.

We'll, 8989 with 137.

My lucky -numbers are one nine.

My father's with three -seven.

- Yeah.

- And so I put them together.

- I've played those.

- for about 20 years.

- I've had some.

- pretty good ones over that.

Over the span of time.

-And I've also, -you know, gamble.

But I'll tell you, they won - they didn't.

- If they did, theyre lying.

Come on, Mario, one time, somehow I'm finding the old you here now you're old Tex.

Your smile.

Your voice is back.

Yeah, but it's just here.

Your gambling addiction is somehow way back to you.

When you have a compulsion.

Right?

-And things -are not going wrong in life, -that's your only control.

Sucks inside.

- You have control of it.

- Think about it.

- It was awful.

-And now it's hard because.

- he's such a damn good guy.

That's the hard thing.

- But I think, as.

- It was explained to me by a psychiatrist recently, that the niceness -and all that, -I think she said something like he always felt guilty.

- And even when he had.

- absolutely no more money to gamble, that was good too, - because then.

- he learned to gamble - with seriously.

- making ten and 20 cent bets, - which really.

- how like a dollar bet.

So you see, no matter what, - he had to have.

- a little of that gamble.

And even if it meant - spending $10, which.

- I and I used to tell him, - I don't mind, you don't.

- drink, you don't smoke.

I do all those bad things.

He needed fun.

- But what I wasn't getting.

- as was just recently explained to me -that his gambling, -unfortunately, - is like me saying to him.

- yes, he is $20.

Go gamble.

- That is like saying.

- to an alcoholic, a reformed alcoholic, - you can have a couple.

- sips of beer if you - if you are a gambler holic.

- that it is the same thing.

- But right now.

- the way I feel is -you've got to do something, -especially now, and you've seen it yourself.

He is so focused there.

He has his friends there.

- He just.

- has to make the commitment to take $20 - and parlay it, do anything.

- he wants with it, - whatever, whatever.

-As long as it's.

- not taking it from us.

-Should we?

-Do you want to, like, -start at the top and run through the notes?

- Yeah.

-So was it.

- an emotional meeting?

Yeah, yeah.

Could so - she's saying that.

- he's on a slow decline.

- In terms.

- of intaking of information - and, absorbing.

- Information, he's making up more things now.

- So he's, inventing.

- Information as he, you know, -forgets, you know, -and one of the again, - one of the things I heard.

- that I never heard was him, -saying, -when will it all come back?

- And and he knows full.

- well the answer.

- But will it ever come back.

- because she, - she really burned into him.

- and said time - you have lost.

- your whole other life.

You should be -a little angry.

I'm happy.

You're happy.

- But you have to.

- like the word she said.

- You have to be compassionate.

- with yourself.

-And she said it like, -three times - because that's going to help.

- heal.

Oh, he was like, -you keep covering it up.

If you think about it.

- Same with like drinking a.

- mask.

- You mask, you mask.

- and then all of a sudden - it comes undone and it's.

- scary and it's like real.

- If he understands.

- that better, it might - help him to understand.

- and like relive, -you know, -become the new totty.

The this and then so the right, the left -and the left and all.

- This way.

- all we want to understand.

You know, when.

See good to see you -actually get that side, -that side that.

My God, I hear these things.

I'm doing all right.

- But it's also it's it's.

- good to see you.

You look so nice.

- Well, thank you very much.

- for all the help and - the gave you.

- a favorite sentence.

You made it all -your passion, all you people around me, - the reason.

- I was able to do it.

- And that's that's why it's.

- easy for me to you with me.

- I understand that.

- you have a lot of patience.

Thank you.

Work on any time.

Okay?

Yeah.

Good to.

All right.

So.

Sit down for.

- Iook how much better.

- you doing now.

!

Its pretty crazy.

Yeah it is.

-And you just got to leave, -that's all.

I'm sorry that.

Though maybe I am different, -and I'm maybe 20 or 30% -somebody else.

And so I reflect on myself, as such, because I.

- I don't feel so in tune.

- with bypass.

-Maybe this is my new life, -and I've got to formulate a new person.

A lot of the old.

-But, you know, -some of the new.

- And I truly believe if.

- If I remembered everything - and was emotionally attached.

- and I was the way I was - now because of.

- what happened, that maybe, - just maybe, I wouldn't.

- want to restart my life, - but because of the fact.

- that I don't remember everything -and I'm not attached, it's -sort of like a new frontier.

And that allows me - the energy.

- with life to move forward.

- Now you.

- can't do anything about it.

- You know, it's tough.

- when you get it.

I'm training.

Yeah, I, We did lose -a big part of dad.

- A lot of dad left.

- when he fell.

- I think it is -a lot like a death.

- or at least we should treat it like that to.

Maybe -I'll be on the same page - with how.

- we're feeling about it, - and then kind of allow.

- ourselves to be angry, be sad, and accept it.

Accept what happened.

- We're going to leave.

- a little early for today.

Okay?

Gail, -whatever you say.

Just because.

Whatever.

-Whatever you say, Gail.

You're looking good to me.

- You look like a regular film.

- guy from the 20s - who that, look.

- like a today guy.

Thanks.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry.

- I'd be screaming at you.

- right now if you do that.

Yeah, -if you're not screaming.

- No, you've got to learn.

- from me, Gail.

Before his brain injury, - we would argue.

- about his gambling.

-And I remember he finally, -after all these years, explained it to me - that he goes, I really don't.

- go to win money.

Gail, you don't understand.

It's a it's -the thrill of the.

What an action.

- It's the action.

It's.

- the thrill of the moment.

Years ago.

Yeah.

I haven't bet -with a bookie on football -games in 20 years.

- But the greatest action.

- was five minutes - before everything took out.

- was a high.

- Like the Zen.

- At least at the track.

- You take.

- 50 bucks, you can drive up, -you know, -you play a few races, -you have a good time, -you talk to a few people, - you have coffee and lunch.

- and you go home.

So it's like entertainment.

-Yeah, -it's a whole social thing.

- It's a social thing.

- It's different.

-I have, clarity of 20 -or 30 years ago.

I can name everything.

- Yeah, but.

- but the last 20 years - or 25 years of my life.

- Is for me.

- When you said.

- you live in a box because, - I mean, again, I live.

- I live in a box.

With the brain injury, like, I can't go out of that box.

- I have to.

- I have to stay in it.

-I have to I mean, -I have to be predictable.

-Yeah.

-Everything you correct, -everything has to be, in order.

- It just.

- frightens me a little bit.

He is so zoned in on -space store, -he watches the same thing.

Almost.

I think obsessive.

- Yeah.

-Space programs like.

- the Garlic Science Channel.

- The science Channel.

-This is the new.

- development of.

Yes.

They never do this.

- People.

-And stuff.

- and I understand it.

- And I really do feel he's.

- going to he's having a breakthrough -of remembering - because he.

- sometimes will talk about life, you know, after life, - if you know what I mean.

- Like dying.

- But he can't really.

- remember it.

-But for the first time, -he had a dream and he said I was in the room.

I could be a doctor, one - and all, nurses I could hear.

- all their voices and this loud noise.

And they said, yes, Todd, - you can hear us, but.

- you're not going to feel it.

It's okay.

And drill a hole.

Him.

And the most interesting - part was that.

- his dad was outside the door - waiting reality on in in the.

- dream.

He died 22 years ago.

They.

Neil Armstrong, commander, Apollo 11.

And when Buzz Aldrin, lunar module pilot.

- Mr. O'Donnell.

- on a Tuesday night.

Mount Pleasant golf week.

This is Todd O'Donnell.

His first shot is an old -he does he get it?

And oh, and just missed.

- The pin is still rolling.

- He's waiting on it.

Let me.

And he's waiting on it.

- And it looks like.

- It won't get it.

- So Todd starts off.

- and I still wait.

-Still waiting, -still waiting for it.

When did you start getting interested in space?

When I woke up from this injury.

Just fascinates me.

And looking at.

And how far out things are.

-And some things, -even though we get the fastest, like speed of light, - you'd never -be able to reach the end of.

- the universe or the end of, -you know, -where where the where - it starts from billions.

- and billions of light years.

I mean, it's it's -inconceivable.

And, you know.

Why do you think -you're like, - so fascinated by it.

- now versus like, before?

- Maybe I'm like a nine year.

- old kid and just fascinated by it - because I'm starting.

- my life over me.

The size of those disks.

I wonder who owns those.

Italian sausages?

- Burger hot dogs make money.

- on anything, clothes.

Wow.

All done.

I slip.

Indiana Grand.

I'm going to keep that slip.

-Check it on the computer, -see if it's a winner.

Hey, you never know.

-Nothing ventured, -nothing gained.

- Wow.

So -this is where the auction.

- Is going to be, I guess so.

Wow.

Look at all this, Crazy kind of.

Yeah.

- He gets paid.

- basically by this.

Chat books from the 30s.

Jesus.

- But what do you do.

- during this icon?

What?

What?

-You know, are you come back.

You're not sure?

I'm sure.

- Okay.

-That's a sign.

- that time, right?

- So if you don't remember.

- what you did -and I'm playing, -I can sign up.

I remember just a document of my time.

-Yeah.

-This is your back at work, -and I'm right up front.

- Yeah.

- So take a look.

Open it up.

- This is something.

- I gave this to you - yesterday.

- Do you remember that?

No.

- I gave this to you to use.

- nine therapies every day.

You know, - Yeah, you.

- uncomfortable right now.

Yeah, - that's what I don't.

- understand how some private can allow you to get to -see one way, -and then you all of a sudden have a problem.

I decline, -and now it shifts.

So I have to reposition.

So what do we do today?

So then we have you.

- You adjusted my whole life.

- and was in my mind category.

- Yeah.

-So we didn't have our name.

- category name plus initial.

- I will always be.

- In this state.

I'm in of from the brain injury - like I live in it, I call it.

- I live in a special world -because everything is, -I can see - glimpses of the past.

- like a window.

- But that's about all.

- I'm, like, stuck in my seat, like my mind just turns.

My body, you know, is, -I guess it's awake, -but my mind just turns.

- And now after this.

- brain injury, you know, - she's like my caretaker.

- and my wife, right?

You know, yours too.

Yeah.

-And you know, -I think it's it's it's hard.

And I don't know if Gail's willing -to listen to it, but.

- It's, you -know, what happened to us.

- seems so sometimes -and to a lot of people, -seems like it's unfair.

You know, with brain injury, I have to I have to do what I have to do for me and my kids.

I mean, I was my -our youngest - one was a freshman.

- In high school -when I was diagnosed, -it's traumatic.

And, you know, it's - the damage.

- that has been done to - my family is just amazing.

- and I. I can only understand that at a very superficial.

I understand because - the one thing I do know now.

- Is that every day counts.

Yeah.

You enjoy.

Enjoy every day.

Yeah.

- You know, and I'm grateful.

- for every day.

- And it's a blessed.

- every day is a blessing.

And that.

That's you know, that's an important lesson.

To to come to see me -and you.

What?

No.

- What do you think they're.

- going to say to later?

I, - I think they're going to say.

- like that.

I'm progressing fine.

Except, you know, there's -certain things in my memory -that are not coming back, - and they don't know.

- If they will come back.

All in all, -I've got about 80% -back of what I had, -and the other 20% -is like a butterfly.

- I don't know.

- If I can catch it.

Okay, and I don't I'm fine.

I got no problems away.

-I am now, -see, people don't realize - that I've accepted myself.

- for what has happened.

- And that's why.

- I can move forward.

Because I've accepted it.

Because if you do not accept -what has -happened, -how can you move forward?

- Because you're always.

- feeling bad for yourself?

I don't feel bad at all.

- I feel bad for the people.

- around me like you mother and stuff like that.

-But I don't feel bad.

for myself.

Okay.

You know.

Good ball.

Okay, good.

Wow.

- Just like the thing.

- I was flying yesterday.

Yeah.

-No, that was jet.

-Oh, that was flexing, -all right?

-I was like the old days, -cause I like to line me up.

That's really what.

But that was different.

Look at Sunday.

Wow, that was pretty good.

How is your name?

All right.

Hines, your name?

Hawk.

One other.

One Malibu.

I love you.

One of you all.

One Malibu long.

Don't.

But we don't.

One month, you don't.

You know, don't know what my mom do.

You don't know what my name.

You're doing -so good, though.

Yeah, I. Oh, why did you all do that?

Oh, my.

Oh, yeah.

Hey.

Mama might a few long.

Oh, my.

You want, you want my love.

Oh.

Vermont public, - partnering.

- with local filmmakers - to bring you.

- stories made here.

-For more, -visit Vermont public.org.